So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
