i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Randomize
