I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize