If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
