you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
