There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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