If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
