sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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