Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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