this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
