bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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