In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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