You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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