with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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