I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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