Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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