I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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