Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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