Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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