Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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