Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
