Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Randomize
