she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize