i was born a porn star she said
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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