I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
