it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
