Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
