I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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