My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
