My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
