When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
