3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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