you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
