..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
