Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
