Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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