My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
