another moral hangover. fuck.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
