WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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