Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
