I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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