we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
