I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
