Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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