I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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