**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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