Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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