At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
