Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
