I puked a lego.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Will exercising make me less horny?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
