He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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