my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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