So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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