So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
