do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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