let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I need a burrito and a hug.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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