her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
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How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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