why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
