Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
