There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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