Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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