Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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