i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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