She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
