I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
