Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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