Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time

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(337): View more from Louisiana

i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(703): View more from Virginia

rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit

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(630): View more from Illinois

if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.

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(516): View more from New York

will barter weed for kareoke machine...

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love

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(973): View more from New Jersey

I think someone is dead in a car across the street

(973): View more from New Jersey

Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job

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