Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.