do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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