I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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