sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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