I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
...so i touched it.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
