I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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