i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
