Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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