It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
never play flip cup with pint glasses
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
