I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My ass is underappreciated
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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